im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
