you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
