I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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