I think I died a long time ago.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
