member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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