My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
