Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
