there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this just has baby written all over it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
