So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
