Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am one with the molecules
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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