I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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