Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
