You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
