All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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