i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
