I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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