come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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