The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
