omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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