once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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