When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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