barbara walters just said penis...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
