cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize