hotel room ftw
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he thought i was a dude.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
