I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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