Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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