Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
