i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
