My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
