Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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