Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
