he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
