I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
