How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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