After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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