im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
