I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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