I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
