Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
