Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Life is so much better after having sex.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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