Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
