i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize