I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't put those talents on a resume
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
