So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
