I wish I could teleport
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
