I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
