Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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