ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
