We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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