just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
