he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
