Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
