Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
