I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
