I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
