so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
