Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
