I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
