i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
