You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
