are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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