In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
