I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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