Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
