ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bring money and cleavage
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
