TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
