I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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