yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
