It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
