she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
