she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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