I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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