Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
high people should be assigned attendants
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
