I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
